Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I'm Wide Awake


One of my favorite songs right now is “Wide Awake” by Katy Perry.  Why you ask? J  Well, it describes my whole past year.  The lyrics describe my choice to leave a suffocating marriage and even more suffocating religion.  
I’M WIDE AWAKE. 

It’s an amazing feeling and I have never felt more alive, more excited about life and more in-tune to my inner knowing.  I look back on the last ten years and I feel like I was in a dream, with occasional moments where I was slightly awake.  The times I would wake up, was when I was challenged and when I stepped out of my comfort zone.  The problem was I always ended stepping back into my bubble.  I did it out of fear, out of guilt, or out of family/friend pressure.  The dream continued and I was falling deeper and deeper into a fog of suffocation.  Then my life exploded right before my eyes and I “hit the concrete”.  It was scary moment, it was a risk, but I KNEW as I gained steady ground it was the right path for me.

Now I live for myself.  I follow my intuition.  I do what feels right for my soul and no one else’s.  If it does not feel right I end it.
I started this Happiness Project to follow what Gretchen Rubin did, however my project turned into something completely different.  My life has changed in almost every area.  I am no longer married.  I no longer participate in organized religion.  The way I view God is more personal and gratifying.  I no longer am involved in my step-daughters lives (occasionally and this is not a good thing, but something I cannot control).  I am closer and more connected to my three kids.  I see life as a time to love and give to others more than I ever saw it before.  My relationships with my family and friends feel different… more authentic, more real and more honest.  All these changes and... I FEEL AMAZING.

I won’t bow down any more.  I won’t dive in to anything I feel is wrong for me.  Life is too short and too crazy fun to live life according to someone else’s beliefs.  I am no longer blind.  I choose me and I am TOTALLY in love with my life.

I am so excited about where I am going!  I am excited to meet new people.  I am excited to see new places.  I am excited to be a part of the world.  This world is fantastic.  Sure it is scary at times and has some very sad things happen, but it also has amazing things happen.  It is full of life.  People can be jerks, but they also can be awesome!  Keep smiling folks!  The ride can only get better as long as you believe it will.  See ya out there!

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