"Give yourself credit. You've got a big heart, you've made it through this far, and you are always, always, always stronger than you think." - Brendon BurchardI broke mentally this past week.
And honestly, I knew it was coming, but I pretended it wasn't happening as my task list is so long, I didn't have time to acknowledge a mental break in my life.
But that's the funny thing about our minds. It doesn't give a rat's ass if you ignore it or not. It's going to take a break if it's reached the point where it can no longer take your shit. And that, my friends, is where I landed Thursday evening.
At first, I did my best to not acknowledge what was happening, but as the night wore on and I became more and more withdrawn, I had to stop and figure out what was happening. Even then, I battled it, refusing to give in and continuing to push myself to the max.
You see, the past two months I've been on a determined and focused journey, pushing against my own limits and defying them, rising up this monstrosity of a mountain. I've had my Rise And Conquer project going full steam ahead, pressing forward with my writing projects, and working non-stop at my day job as a Buyer. Not to mention everything that's needed to keep myself healthy, along with taking care of my family and home.
I've loved every minute of it and riding on cloud nine has been my viewpoint for the majority of these past two months. And quite frankly, when my mind was having its "fuck you" moment, I was doing the same to it, as I didn't want to stop the ride that I was flying on.
Until it started to affect the ones around me.
Really diving into WHY I was experiencing this downfall. And when I woke this morning, I knew. I had literally shoved myself off the edge and my mind was exhausted. It was why I couldn't think clearly the past few days. It was why I felt twisted into a knot, overwhelmed by all my sudden responsibilities.
I had become so consumed by the end goal, that I forgot about the journey. My meditations had been lacking, I was less present during my workouts and overall life, my writing was suddenly difficult to put onto paper, and my family was seeing it, even though I was determined to deny it.
I was forgetting that I have a relationship with my body and in order for us to work well together, I deserve to honor all the boundaries, including my own.
Today I rested. I meditated. Soaked in a hot bath. Listened to some gentle music. Pulled out my Shaman drum and connected with my source. And although I still feel low, my soul is calm. And I'm stronger. Tomorrow I'll rise up again, ready to take on my tasks, goals, and dreams with a reminder to honor myself and the body that houses me.
For those of you who are reading this, what do you do in those times where you are mentally falling? Do you remember to stop? Or does it take some time to grasp onto your circumstances?