CREATING YOUR BEST LIFE FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Finding Success Within A Relationship

I have been married twice.

And twice I've been divorced.

I am definitely not an expert on relationships, but I have an idea of what it takes to be a powerful and supportive partner.

I say this because today I am in an amazing relationship, where for once, I feel accepted, loved, appreciated, and free to become the best selling author I have always dreamed of being.

"When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner.  Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, and ambitious.  Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home.  These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier." - Sheryl Sandberg

I actually read that quote in the book Girlcode by Cara Alwill Leyba.  She and I had a similar experience from a past relationship, which upon reading her experience compelled me to share mine as well.

Eight years ago I decided I was actually going to write a book.  I loved to write, keeping steady journals for myself and my children, along with doodling short stories in any notebook I could get my hands on.  I began blogging, slowly integrating myself into the writing world.  After about a year, while I was pregnant with my third and last child, I announced to my then husband that I was going to write and publish a book.

He was silent at first.  I reclined on a chair in the kitchen staring at his blank expression, wondering if he had heard me.  Moments later his eyes rolled, and with a condescending tone he said, "We will see."

Those words cut into my heart, twisting relentlessly at my soul.  I remained quiet, as he turned and walked away.  From there on out, he showed absolutely no interest in any of my writing, or my desire for success.

Cara Alwill Leyba continues to write her reaction, "That moment was a turning point for me.  I knew I could never be with a man who did not get as excited about my dreams as I did.  I knew I needed to be with someone who respected my ambition, who wanted to see me grow, and who wasn't afraid to see me shine."

What a brilliant lady.  In that moment, I felt the same way, but I was married to the man and carrying his child.  It was also my second marriage.  I wasn't prepared to leave him just because he didn't support my dreams, as well, I wanted to give him the chance to see what I could do and hopefully change his mind.  But as it turns out, my life path was not with him.  Over the next couple of years it became evident through more of his actions, and the day I decided to end the marriage was one of elation and gratitude to know I still had a voice.

I had continued to write, despite his lack of support, but the process was slow and I allowed him to take my power because I was worried I would irritate him.  Once we were divorced, my writing picked up speed and from that moment I grew exponentially, finally evolving because I took back my power and demanded to be heard. 

Now I live with a man who understands me.  He supports my goals and dreams.  When I ask him for advice on my ideas or plans, he is there to assist me onto a clearer path and brainstorm without complaint.  He loves to witness my passion for my writing, and is one of my loudest and strongest supporters.  It is super sexy to see his excitement for my ambitions, and I am forever grateful I found a man who is not afraid of my success.

Plus, he makes me laugh.  Hard.  To the point of tears and a headache.  Which only makes me love him more.

Mwah - Niki

P.S.
It's my mom's birthday. She passed away six and a half years ago, and I still miss her and wish she could see where my life has gone. I think she would be proud.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I miss you.

Monday, April 11, 2016

Taking Back Your Own Power

The other day I wrote a post listing four of my frustrations and issues with the world and our media.  You can find it here, if you would like to read it:

http://createbeimagine.blogspot.com/2016/04/the-platinum-rule.html

I realize I was a bit harsh, but I do not regret writing it.  I am not one to write those controversial of posts, because I believe that it invites more negativity into a person's life.  However, writing those words was not done lightly and I am honoring my feelings on those issues.

There is a fine line between allowing the negativity to consume your life and standing up for what you believe in.  If I remain silent just because I fear the backlash or dread the negative comments, I will only allow for the world to hold my power.  And that is not something I can allow to happen.


Someone once said to me, "You are part of the problem, if you choose to remain silent, and never stand up for others or yourself."

That right there, has stuck with me for a very long time.

The other day, when I decided to list my frustrations, and announce to the world I was boycotting the media outlets, I was doing it to take back my power.  It was not to hurt or ridicule any of the good people of our world, but only to remind myself, I have a choice.  My struggle with the garbage that is being broadcasted over the TV and social media, was my own issue, and I found a way to take back my power and gain control of the situation, until I discover a better way to deal with it.

Taking back your power... It can be a process, or it can come swift and firm.  It depends on the situation and your own determination and will power.

  1. Recognizing that your power has been taken, is always the first step.
  2. Getting a grip and focusing on the situation is next.
  3. Once you are focused and calm, it is time to decide what it will take to be in control of your own life again. This does not include any violent acts, physical force, or even mean, rude or hurtful words.  What this does include is finding your inner peace and deciding to stand up for yourself and what you believe is right.  If you do need assistance to get to that place, this is where you take the leap and find help.

****Just in case anyone takes what I said, as an excuse for hurting another human, or animal for that matter, then you have missed the point entirely and should return to my first post on the subject and read from the beginning****

Just a little story of my own...

I was once married to a drug addict.  I'm not talking about marijuana (although he did partake), I am speaking about cocaine, meth, heroine, etc.  Any hard drug, plus pain pills, he used.  I was afraid, alone, and the mother of two small children.  And I thought I was powerless to change my stars.

One night, I received a phone call from his drug addict buddy.  He was frightened for my husband, and wanted to warn me that "C" was out of control.  He proceeded to go down a list of events that had occurred recently.  I stood petrified in my kitchen, tears rolling down my cheeks, my hands shaking with grief, as one by one he named these awful things "C" had been doing.  A tornado of emotions swirled rapidly around my body, as dread for my life and my children's lives filled my mind.

I don't remember hanging up the phone, or even calling my dad, but within the next thirty minutes my three brothers, my dad and my good friend pulled up to my house and proceeded to pack up my belongings, and load them into their trucks.

Somehow, in one of the darkest holes of my life, I found the courage to free myself and my children from the dangers of his world.

Of course, it did not end there, and my life took some turns that scared me more than that phone call did, but I survived, and I did it because I found the strength to take back my power. 

I believe in the people of our world, and I also believe we have the ability to evolve and ascend to higher degree of humanity.  Taking control of our own lives, along with taking responsibility for our actions and reactions, will only make our planet a more peaceful place to live.  If we only stopped blaming others for our own lives, and realized we have the capability to change our stars, then the violence has a chance to end and we will no longer live as victims.

That was my point in the other post.  Even when something bad happens in our lives, because we cannot control other people's actions and reactions, we can still make a choice...

Be a victim and live in a state of anger, self-pity, hatred, resentment, etc, until we die with nothing to show but a sad life.

Or...

Rise above, take back our power, and live a life of accountability, love, peace and happiness, walking our own path, so when we reach the end we can look back and smile.

What choice will you make?

-Niki

Saturday, April 9, 2016

The Platinum Rule

And here I go...

I am unliking every news outlet on Facebook.  Do you know why?  Do you even care to know why?  Well, I'm going to tell you whether you care or not.

Our world is full of sickening and evil human beings.  People who are so consumed by their own ego, they have forgotten what it takes to actually be a compassionate, loving person.

I am not usually one to jump on a soapbox, or at least not a soapbox as controversial as this one, but I am tired of reading about the asshats of our world.  I am nauseated by the cruel and pathetic actions of the pansy ass monsters who reside on the same planet as I do.

Before we go over my issues with this world, I want to say, I'm not writing this to be mean or indifferent or disrespectful.  In fact, I type these words because I desire more compassion, respect, generosity and love in our world.

ISSUE #1 - Sexual Assault/Murder/Hurting Another Person In Anyway

Hearing about children being raped or murdered or both, just so some sicko can have their kicks, makes my heart and soul shake with grief.  These babies are innocent.  They didn't ask to be born into a world full of monsters, and they don't deserve to have these disgusting things happen to them.

On that note... NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HURT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING OR ANIMAL!  PERIOD!

I just can't... I can't listen or read about another person being hurt.  It is traumatizing to myself, and it creates a fear in my heart.  I want people to grow up and stop being fucking assholes.  Leave our children alone!  And for God's sake, be good person!


How I wish more people would live by the Platinum Rule...

If you are a genuine and good person, and treat me with respect, I will reciprocate.  In fact, I will already treat you with respect, unless you give me a reason not to.

Issue #2 - Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Life

If you want to be Pro-Choice or Pro-Life, I will respect your decision.  I won't attempt to change your mind, and all I expect from you is the same respect.

I am Pro-Choice.  I always have been and I always will be.  Accept it, realize the only person you control is yourself, and move on.  Most people do not change their mind by your non-stop controversial memes.

Let's get a few things straight... I am not planning on having an abortion and I do not believe that killing a baby who can live outside of the womb is morally upstanding.  In fact, if a person has the choice to go through with the pregnancy and either be a parent or give another person a chance to be a parent, I have high respect for them.

BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT, and definitely not my business.

However, I do believe the choices I make for MY body, is no one's business but mine and my partner.  And honestly, this is the only time it would be a decision for two people, what I did with my body.  Any other time, it is my choice, and my choice alone.

And it most definitely is NOT some old, privileged, religious fanatic person's decision, what I do with my body and I am appalled this is a discussion that continues to arise, while boys are still not held accountable for their part in the baby making process.  As well, we have enough starving children in our world.  Can we just agree to serve their needs, before we bring in more neglected children?  Please.


As well, if we educated our youth in all areas of our world and provided the protection they need to have safe sex, not only would the unwanted pregnancies go down, the STD epidemic could decrease. Stop burying your head in the sand and pretend your kid won't have sex in their youth.  They are having sex, so you might as well educate them to make the best choice possible.


Issue #3 - Victimizing the Criminals

Just in case you did not understand the title, let me repeat myself... VICTIMIZING THE CRIMINALS.  This is a HUGE issue in our present civilization.

What kool-aid is everyone drinking that makes them justify the victimizing of the criminals, by the hands of the cops who are stopping the crime?  If the CRIMINALS were not committing the crimes in the first place, there would not be a need for cops to come in and take control of the situation.  That is what we pay them to do!!

When are we going to hold the criminals responsible for putting themselves in the situation IN THE FIRST PLACE. 

If the cops shoot too soon, they are trigger happy.  If they don't shoot quick enough, they weren't trained right.  If they didn't do this, or they did that, etc. etc. etc.

These men and women cannot win!

There is always someone out in know-it-all land telling them, they did their job wrong.  How about this... go be a cop and show us all, how you can do it better.  I really would love to see.

I am not naive to the dirty cops of our world.  I do know evil cops exist.  However, they are not the majority.  So, remove the stick out of your ass and stop victimizing the fools who are committing the crimes. 

I was once married to a man who hated cops.  He told me this fine detail, but it never became clear to me until the day he butt dialed me, while he was out with his buddies.  As they discussed their drugs and all the items they were wanting to steal, they proceeded to explain to each other what would happen if they were pulled over by a cop.  I won't go into detail, but they were prepared to do anything to protect themselves, their drugs and their loot.  Anything.

Cops go out into the world every single day, either on shift or off-shift and risk their lives for us.  They do not know if they will be able to see their spouse or their children ever again.  They do that for us.

Why is that so difficult for people to understand?

Do I want a cop to body slam or shoot one of my kids?  No!  Absolutely not! 

If it happened, would I want the cop to be held accountable, if he was in the wrong?  Yes!

However, I would hope if I was put into that situation, I would wait until I had all the facts, before going off the handle about what I think the cop did wrong.  What about what my kid did wrong?  It is my responsibility, as a parent, to hold my kid accountable for his actions.

Let's please attempt to not raise a generation full of spoiled, entitled, rotten kids.  Please.

Respect the badge and don't commit a crime, and you should have nothing to worry about.  I understand there are exceptions to every rule, and I do not discount those events.  Those are not the occurrences I am speaking about...

Stop. Victimizing. Criminals.

One last thought on this... Yes, I am white, and yes I don't have a difficult life, but that does not mean I haven't experienced the deepest and darkest holes.  So, before anyone goes off on me being a white, privileged girl, remember, what you think you see now, does not tell you where I came from and what I have been through.

 

Issue #4 - God

Listen folks, not everyone believes in God, and frankly that is a-okay.  That is their right.  Please stop insisting that the United States needs God in everything and everywhere.  If he/she exists, I don't think he/she cares what we state on a billboard, or even in our national anthem.

Do you really believe a God would be that petty?

If he or she is, well... I don't want any part of that God.

Focus on your own life, and stop worrying about what others believe in.  I know more genuine, authentic, loyal, and giving Atheists, then I do Christians or any other religious person.  And I live in an area prominently occupied by Christians.  By far, the non-believers are far more non-judgmental and welcoming.

What does that say about the religious people these days?

More people kill in the name of their God.  That God is not my God, and I have 0 respect for anyone who murders others because of an invisible man in the sky.

****

Going back to unliking all news outlets on Facebook.  They suck the life out of me, and for all the reasons I mentioned above, and more.  I read the article, then mistakenly I read comments, and I realize people can be hateful and despicable creatures.  Although I have witnessed the best parts of humans, reading all the awful voices of the world, clouds my judgment.  So, I'm taking a break from the news. After all, they are only reporting what they are paid to report.  Good news doesn't sell, therefore I'm only bombarded by the ugly.

I do not usually write these controversial blog posts.  But I believe in being the change I want to see in the world.  I do believe in being kind to others, and treating my fellow humans as they would want to be treated.  No, I'm not perfect and anyone who personally knows me, knows I am not here to profess that I'm better than anyone else.

I have witnessed so much anguish and pain in people's eyes these days, and my heart breaks for our world.  We are capable of much greatness, and have the ability to surround each other with an immense amount of love, but we choose to walk around avoiding each others eyes and live lonely lives, while pretending to be something different behind the safety of our computer screens.

Along those lines, we divide ourselves.  We do it by social status, religion, race, sexual orientation, etc. and it does not have to be this way.  I believe when we connect, we create a world filled with peace and love.  We have that power, but most of us are still walking around asleep, barely stumbling through this life.

We are one, and we are connected.  It just is.  My mission in this life is not just to write, but it is to assist others to remember who they are.  I can't force anyone to wake up, because my power is only to send my love and light out to everyone I meet, and hope they will reciprocate.  Then, and only then, will we be connected.

I'm not here to tip-toe around my fellow humans.  I am here to make you uncomfortable, and create a space where you are able to expand your thinking, reasoning, and love for others.  If you are offended by what I have had to say, well... that is your offense and something you will have to ponder and shift for yourself.  Or you can stay stuck and blame your offenses and problems on me and others in this world.

Which way will create happiness in your life?

To all, I wish you a great night.  Peace be with you.

XXXX - Niki

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Makala Thomas - Author Spotlight

If you have other things in your life—family, friends, good productive day work—these can interact with your writing and the sum will be all the richer. – David Brin

This Author is someone I met by chance, and I have enjoyed every moment of our interaction. From the moment we first chatted, to the instant I read her answers to this interview, I knew we were kindred spirits.  She is a positive, well-natured woman, who works hard for what she desires. For this I admire her, and I am pleased to highlight her on my blog.  Please meet Makala Thomas!


1. If you had thirty seconds to describe yourself, i.e. who you are, what would you say?

Smart, talented, a bookworm, a huge Harry Potter and Disney fan, really into Game Of Thrones and Once Upon A Time, a sly comedian, really caring, never down for too long, and pretty confident now in life when I never was before.

2. If you were a candy bar, what would you be and why?

Ooh I have to think. I would probably be a Milky Way Bar. They’re hard on the outside but soft on the inside, like me. When I’m upset or I’m not comfortable with you I climb into a mental metal shell which shields my true self. When I’m comfortable and happy again, I’m the fun, happy me :)

3. What can you tell us about your current project?

I am working on three projects, so I will tell you about all three! I am currently writing an adult book for ages eighteen and up. There is violence and sexual scenes not suited for younger readers, so I will do my best to make sure there is some sort of limit when the book becomes available. My second project is one I stared writing in 2012 but my laptop was stolen so I lost it. However, what I wrote and planned for this story was still fresh in my mind and I knew I had to get it written again, because I believed it was a pretty great story and can’t wait to share it. The third is book six of my fantasy/romance series The Link. Book five was released earlier this year and I’m hoping to release book six in Autumn.

4. What are some of your past projects that you would like to tell us about?

Some of my past projects… there are many but I shall whittle it down. I am very fond of two books out of The Link series, still of the fantasy/romance genres. One is called Count Angelo and the other Jeiklee. Count Angelo is a love story about a young girl called Bianca Davis who travels with her father and brother, and while away from England she meets and falls in love with Count Angelo, also known as the Grand Vampire. He is worshiped by all vampires, and pretty much rules the land. But he has a sad past; his previous vampire lover Alicia walked to into sunlight and her death after breaking his heart. Count Angelo vowed never to bite anyone again nor love, until he meets Bianca Davis. The book is full of twists and adventures including werewolves, bloodthirsty vampires and more. I was very pleased with the responses I got from people who read this book.

Jeiklee is the latest book out of the series, about a boy who was taken at birth from his parents and raised in the mortal world, where he didn’t really belong. Jeiklee had magical parents and knew the people who raised him were not his biological parents. When Jeiklee began asking questions, his adopted parents tried to lie to him and told him horrible things, much to the outrage of his real parents, who came to his home to set the story straight. Jeiklee asked for a day with his real parents, and was taken to the world he belonged to, Severna. After meeting witches and wizards his age who didn’t find anything odd about him like the people on Earth, Jeiklee knew this was where he was meant to be and pleaded with his real mother and father to bring him home. They agreed, and that is where the adventure begins and continues throughout the book, in the land of Severna.



5. What are you doing in your life to influence the world and/or community?

I always reach out to my readers especially the ones who have supported me for years. I recognise a few familiar names in reviews and online who I contact and don’t hesitate to send a free book to because they were there when I started out and they are still rooting for me over five years later.I also give books to my local charity stores but am working on sending some to other stores and charities. I also write for indie directors and turn the stories written into scripts once I have their approval. More than one of my scripts will be turned into film (indie) this year.

6. Who do inspires and why?

I have a one-year-old baby girl who is my sun, moon and stars. She inspires me in every way to do and be better each day, and will be two in July. When she was born I didn’t really have much time to write but as she is more independent now, so am I. I have two younger sisters also inspire me. They are both teenagers under eighteen years, but they like to read, which is a plus. They also rooted for me from quite a young age and I enjoy their questions about my stories, some which I have told them they cannot read until they are older.

7. What song best describe your work ethic?

Lukas Graham- 7 Years.

8. If you could trade places with one person for a week, famous or not, living or dead, real or fictional, who would it be and why?

It would have to be a Disney Princess, there are too many to choose only one, but it would be between Princes Anna, Tiana or Jasmine. I’d love to go on the adventures they did to find themselves and find true love. I am a huge Disney fan :P

9. If you won 10 million dollars in a lottery, what would you do with it?

I would give two million to charity, put one million in an account for my daughter, buy a house, travel to a few desired destinations, give half a million to the woman who raised me, and keep the rest for a rainy day.

10. If you could travel back in time, what advice would you give to your teenage self?

Don’t be scared of being who you are, because even though people think you’re a nerd or brainbox that’s totally ok. You will become a great person in the future so don’t lose sight of your hopes and dreams.

11. How do you define success and how do you measure up to your own definition?

Success isn’t about being rich and famous. Success to me is finding inner peace and being happy, and I think I have it.

12. What are you biggest goals and dreams?

My biggest goals and dreams is to publish every book in The Link series by the time I’m thirty or thirty-three.

13. What is stopping you from pursuing them?

Right now the task is in motion, but I can’t write all the time every day as I have other responsibilities like caring for my daughter, seeing and helping the woman who raised me.

14. What risk would you take, if you knew you could not fail?

I would explore the ocean world. I’ve always thought that Earth is two worlds; land and sea. I’d love to know and discover what’s out there, as not one hundred percent of the ocean has been discovered. I used to be totally convinced mermaids exist when I was a teenager because of that fact. I always told my elder siblings they were out there.

15. What is your biggest strength?

My biggest strength is forgiveness and letting things go. I have been hurt by a lot of people but I don’t let hatred fill my heart. I forgive, move on, most of the times without the people who hurt me. I always stay positive and make a good thing out of a bad situation.

16. What is your perception of the world?

People do bad things but that doesn’t mean the entire world is bad. And we shouldn’t judge an entire race because of crimes committed by a few of that race. The world is beautiful and if we could all help each other instead of ignoring those in need, it would be pretty much perfect.

17. If you could change one thing, and one thing only, about the people of this world, what would it be?

That people don’t use religion as an excuse to hurt others.

18. We are always making choices.  Are you choosing for your story or for someone else’s?

Both. I do what I do for myself and my loved ones, but am hoping to expand and stretch that to others I don’t know too.

19. How have you grown and improved this year?

I am a total introvert and like being alone, I always have since I was very young. This year I am trying to mingle with family and friends way more than I did last year.

20. Where can we connect with you?

You can email me at: 

misskelz90@gmail.com

Find and like my Facebook Page which is:

The Diverse Works Of Makala Thomas

Follow me on Twitter at:

@misskelz90

Add me on Skype by searching: misskelz90

You can also find my two Wordpress blogs, which are:

https://makalathomas.wordpress.com/
https://makalathomasbookpreviews.wordpress.com

One blog is my normal blog where  I post poetry, short stories and more, the other is my book preview blog. You can preview my available books from pages 1- 50 before making a decision to buy.