The Wait is Agonizing

Yesterday morning I stood in front of mirror and talked myself of a ledge.

I woke up exhausted and absolutely miserable.

But that's usually how it goes on the days and weeks during my flare-ups.

This one is probably the worst one I have had. They are coming more frequently and giving me less time in between for relief. This one... this round is now on day six.

My stomach, face, and hands are inflamed. Photo for evidence. Maybe it doesn't look like it to some, but that body is filled with inflammation. My mind feels like it is drunk and I am struggling to stay focused. I have spent the past three days talking myself out of intense panic attacks. But for some reason my mind does not care what I have to say and has nearly careened me off a mental cliff. Thank God for my herbal supplements as they are the reason I was able to get the attacks under control.

Those who have not experienced these ailments, will not understand the magnitude they have over a person's mind. The doom and gloom is ferocious; gnawing unmerciful at our thoughts.

And the pain... the burning agony that radiates against my
ribs and shoulder blades. Some days it's unbearable. I can't wait to rid myself of these toxic bags.  

Talking to a friend about my symptoms, she asked if I ever had Mono.

Yes, yes I have. When I was eighteen years old. First semester of college.

Her response, look up EBV symptoms.

Epstein-Barr Virus. I had looked at it a few weeks ago, but wrote it off. I had Mono. I recovered. Twenty-four years later, what does that have to do with my current ailments. Well, Niki, it has everything to do with what you're going through.

Once more, I needed a nudge from someone else to steer me in the best direction.

Now I have a small, itty-bitty plan to help me make it through these next few months until I have my surgery. I have good friends. Correction. I have intelligent, amazing, wonderful friends. I am blessed to have them all in my life.

I will update you with the results of my hopeful treatment.

Until next time, if you want to support in a monetary way, see below.

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To all of my followers, fans, friends and family, sending you lots of peace, love, and high vibes. 


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