Rise And Conquer Project - Month One
Have you ever looked at
yourself in a mirror and quivered with indignation? Self-loathing thoughts
tumble through your mind, spiraling you down the tunnel of self-hatred? I know
that feeling. I’m sure most people have experienced varied degrees some time throughout
their lives. But how do we pick ourselves up and love ourselves once again?
This past month I went
on a self-love journey. I didn’t hate or loath myself beforehand, but I was
stuck in a ditch, with two shattered legs, clawing my way through the muck and
mud. It was a period of time where I felt like I was drowning in this sludge
and I was in desperate need of some comfort. I also really wanted to feel joy
again, on a more consistent basis.
We’ve all heard that
joy comes from within. Or at least I know I’ve heard it thousands of times from
life coaches, self-empowerment speakers and mentors, and people I consider on a
higher enlightenment tier, like Dr. Wayne Dyer or Mahatma Ghandi or Oprah
Winfrey or Nelson Mandela. You catch my drift. It’s spoken about on regular
basis and the ones who have listened are well aware that you cannot find joy
outside ourselves. At least, not true joy.
Despite my low, the
beginning of April began well for me. I went on a family vacation to a
California beach and I was able to enjoy some moments of calm serenity. It was
the therapy I deserved to mend my broken soul and I bathed in the tranquility.
But as usual, all good things must come to an end. I missed home, work, and my
regular routine, but the thought of diving back into the madness of reality
really struck me hard. I didn’t know where it was coming from or why I felt so down,
but I knew I needed to face the darkness before it sucked me into oblivion.
I rose, not like a
lion, but as a wounded deer skittish and fearful, desperately determined to
escape the beast. And I might have felt weak and defeated, but I was committed
to this new journey. I was going to heal my soul.
April showers, brings
May flowers.
That was my mindset. No
matter how broken I felt over the past year, I was going to rise anyway and
breathe in a new mindset, lifestyle, and connection with my source. It was time
for me to evolve and move onto the next level of my life journey.
The first week was
easy. I meditated, worked out, ate well, counted to ten, instead of erupting in
anger, and spoke to myself with kindness, determined to not commit any
self-destructive crimes. I also met with a Reiki Practitioner, who spent ninety
minutes straightening out my chakras and guiding me to self-healing. It was a
good week.
Week two wasn’t awful.
In fact, I stepped up my game. I spent more time meditating, took on more of
the HIIT workouts, kept calm at work and at home, and I continued to shower
myself with love. I was rising and on that Friday I woke up feeling the best I
had felt in months. I had finally broken back through and was on my way up.
But then Saturday
arrived. Everything went well for most of the day, when suddenly there was
contention swirling around me, striking me from the most obscure areas. And unfortunately
this unease and contention trailed into my Sunday, making my Mother’s day the
hardest one I’ve ever had. By the time my head hit the pillow, I was
heartbroken, confused and hurt. And I didn’t know how I was going to rise
again. Monday arrived with a punch in the gut, and even though no one really
did anything to me, I felt lost, upset and frustrated by most everyone in my
life.
I had fallen again, and
this time I felt like a complete and absolute failure. Why did it feel like I
was forever destined to swim in the muck of life?
I survived that Monday.
Barely. That night I meditated and aligned my thoughts with clear intentions. I
wasn’t giving up that easily. I slept well and woke up to a new and better day.
I felt stronger already, and I was determined to make my Tuesday successful. And
it worked. Tuesday was amazing and the rest of the week I continued on with my
goals and plans, arriving to the end of week three feeling satisfied and proud
of myself. I kept going, even when it felt easier to give up. Who wants easy
anyway?
Week four, I was busy.
My step-daughter graduated high school and my daughter was graduating the next
week. Plus, work, house, writing,
working out, and just life in general was piling up at my doorstep. I dove in and
worked hard, determined to arrive at the end of May feeling accomplished,
inspired, and on a self-love high.
The moral of my
experience is this... Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes those downs are so
low and so long, you wonder why you’re even here. And sometimes those ups are
so amazing and such a rush, that when you hit the low again, you wonder what
awful sin you committed to deserve this hellish punishment.
I think back to my
early years and recall how easy, breezy school was for me. I rarely had to work
hard for those A’s and B’s and I honestly believed I was just plain gifted.
Until I arrived to college. All of a sudden, school was difficult and I fell
flat on my face. I had no idea how to work hard for those grades. In fact, I
got a crash course on hard work and I was failing miserably.
The ones who have it
easy and glide through life will most likely fall deep the moment “difficult”
enters into their lives. Like I did, they will feel victimized, unjustly
served, and depression will yank them down to a pit of despair. Or a vicious
pity party. One way or the other, the universe is going to give us the lessons
we need to learn in life. And that’s okay. It might not feel okay, but it is (within
reason, that is—abuse of any kind, bullying, rape, narcissism is never okay). It’s
in these moments when we can decide, are we going to remain in the dark and
allow life to have its way with us or are we going to rise up and take back our
rightful power.
Self-love is the answer
to our woes.
When you find love within yourself and stop looking for it
outside of you, the lows will still come, but you’ll know to honor those
moments as they are and rise higher the next time you claw your way out. Each
life battle is won by focusing, taking a deep breath and acting when the time
is right. Reaction only makes it worse, but strategic action will bring you
satisfaction, growth and evolved thinking. And as nice as it would be, life is
not easy. Yes, some have it WAY better than others, but we all have our
problems, trials and varied degrees of anguish. In those moments, remembering
your value, your strength, and your love for yourself, will be your saving
grace. You are your number one advocate and you’re always whole, even when you
feel broken.
I meditated nearly
every day in the month of May. I worked out and I hurdled back into Yoga. I
chose to honor my body and listen to what it had to say. The deep breaths kept
my blood pressure low and my anxiety attacks at bay. I decluttered my mind,
along with my surroundings (still working on a few areas, but I’m almost done)
and because of all this, I smile more. I recognize the light within. I feel the
love surrounding me, from my source, my partner, my family and my friends. My
life has shifted and I knew it would. I just had to do the work to remember who
I am.
This is my Rise and
Conquer Project. Each month I will pick something in my life to work on.
Something that needs love, care, and attention. You can join in, watch my steps
and then join in, or do your own thing. Or ignore me all together. But I’ll
still be here, doing my thing, regardless of the naysayers 😘 Watch my journey
and then create one of your own. I’ve gone down similar paths in the past, but
each time I learn more, evolve to a higher state of being, and eventually rise
to a whole new level in life. This time I’m stepping it up. I’m pushing myself
to be my best and I hope I can inspire others to do the same.
These are the goals I
laid out for myself for May:
1. Declutter my house.
-creates peace within
-a feeling of
accomplishment
-a house is a sanctuary
2. Do some form of
exercise every day.
3. Cut back on sugar and
carbohydrates.
4. Connect w/ my source
EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
-meditations
-prayer
-stay focused
-tarot readings
-Reiki
5. Continue to write books
and blogs – set time away every day.
6. Honor my body, mind,
and spirit.
-go to counseling, talk
through my troubles
-massage, reiki
-eat well
-stay active
-stay connected spiritually
My month of June will
be a whole new experience, with a different goal. However, I plan on continuing
to shower myself in self-love and strive to be better in all areas of my
personal life. Exercise, eating well, writing, and connecting with my higher
self, along with my source, will continue to be my focus.
A strategic plan out
shines reaction. It can be difficult to arm myself against the negativity of
the world, but as long as I have a design and stay focused, I believe I can
rise to the next level. Stay tuned for month two and I hope to see you all
setting your own goals and shifting into a higher state of consciousness. And
if you have any questions, thoughts, and/or concerns, comment below and let’s
chat.
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